🔴 I did something I’ve never done before.
I openly admitted that I’m not full of gratitude and acceptance after getting out of hell—
I’m full of hatred and grief:
It was—and still is—very liberating.
🔹 It’s good to suddenly embrace the parts of you that are often not appreciated in places associated with spiritual growth.
“Your karma,” “try to let it go,” and similar phrases don’t help. Raging, burning, screaming, and creating space for these feelings do. That’s why I’m writing about it. It is the way to eventually let it go. It’s the way to start working on the issue instead of avoiding it.
It’s very important to do this—especially if the community around you and your old beliefs don’t appreciate this kind of behavior.
❓ Why?
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Because it’s the way to avoid serious physical and mental health problems in future.
👉 When Norbunet still existed in Google services— the collaborative mailing list to share events and support each other in the Dzogchen Community—one feature of it spoke volumes all the time.
There was one type of request that kept coming up—saddening requests—about including ill people in lifelong practices. There were always a lot of people suffering from cancer.
It was even more saddening when someone asked to include a person in the Shitro practice after they had already passed away. I have a lot of sympathy for them and their loss.
The frequency of these requests was the saddest part.
☝️ It makes me wonder—how often does practicing Tantra put someone with a very particular type of personality at risk for cancer and similar illnesses?
Why were there so many requests about people suffering from cancer?
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🔶 I can’t help but think that this happens far more often than one would dare admit.
What if, all your life, you tried to be that good, very, very good, unproblematic person—avoiding the “poison” of anger, trying to be as kind as possible, never allowing yourself to be loud, aggressive, or even offensive sometimes? Never allowing yourself to feel uncomfortable around others? Always pushing your true self away?
It’s incredibly painful to see what’s happening to others in Tantric Buddhism—especially to people with a very particular personality type, prone to suppressing anything related to anger or “negative emotions.”
And then, for years, you practice the visualization of wrathful deities—fueling this aspect of rage and anger inside you—but never letting it out in any way, neither in a healthy manner nor as it is?
Then one day you find yourself sick with cancer, with no good prognosis, and someone asks to perform practices for you.
Because you can’t live without anger—anger protects you. This is why Dharma protectors are always depicted in such ways—among bones and skulls, surrounded by swirling fire and thunderstorms. You can’t face danger by smiling and hugging others.
It is very, very sad. And it’s very, very wrong.
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👉 I’m speaking from the perspective of someone who has been through tuberculosis, not just as a regular observer. I went through two rounds of chemo, and I saw a psychotherapist who worked specifically with tuberculosis patients. I had to change some basic traits of my personality in order to recover. And I did.
That was the core of the issue—tuberculosis patients (and cancer patients) often have deep problems with expressing anger in a healthy, open way. They’ll do anything—including self-destruction on a large scale—to avoid admitting and releasing their anger.
When combined with practices that fuel and expand wrathful aspects, it’s a recipe for catastrophe.
One day, your behavior could cost you your life. You’re not a regular person if you practice Tantra. You directly work with the fabric of your psyche, changing it swiftly. And without awareness, the result can be very, very tragic.
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💔 It’s incredibly painful to see what’s happening to others in Tantric Buddhism—especially to people with a very particular personality type, prone to suppressing anything related to anger or “negative emotions.”
They’re not your enemies. They’re your friends. Since you’ve landed in this very intellectual practice, you’ll definitely overcome and tame these emotions. But please, please, please—being “good” in the eyes of others may cost you your life.
If you have cancer, please seek out a psychotherapist who works with your specific disorder. And if you’re raising money to fight your illness, please include psychotherapy costs in your fundraising efforts.
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